What Youth Sport Parents Can Learn from Alysa Liu’s Journey
Much has already been written about Alysa Liu’s journey to gold. It’s hard not to be captivated by her playful spirit and complete presence in each and every moment of the Winter Olympics. It’s well-known that she stepped away from the sport, burnt out at 16-years-old, and then came back two years later on her terms, under her conditions, with a newfound joy. The realignment of her priorities syncs up with theories developed in the field of psychology to promote a long-term, sustainable athletic career.
Deci & Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory (2000) makes the argument that intrinsic motivation relies on three core psychological needs being met:
Relatedness
The need to feel connected to other people in a meaningful way
Competence
The experience of mastery and efficacy
Autonomy
Engaging in a behavior with a full sense of volition
At sixteen-years-old, Alysa demonstrated an elite level of mastery and efficacy (competence). She had been the youngest-ever U.S. women’s national champion at thirteen-years-old. But she lacked relatedness and autonomy. She was sacrificing social experiences (relatedness) for training. She had no say (autonomy) over the music, costumes, diet, and training regimen. All of this changed after she walked away from the sport.
She went on road trips with friends. She learned who she was outside of her sport. And when she decided to return to figure skating, she made a powerful declaration of her autonomy. She was the one who would make the decisions around music, costumes, diet, and training. She would no longer miss movie nights with friends because she had training the next day. Having already proven her mastery on the ice, she chose to make her performance about showcasing her art, not about scores and medals.
For parents of youth athletes, what can we take from this experience? In team sports, parents may not have to think as much about how their kids can connect to others in a meaningful way. Teams often (but not always) come with built-in friendships. However, for individual sports like figure skating, tennis, golf, and martial arts, it may take some extra effort to prioritize connection with peers, whether it’s a recurring game night, sleepover, or bike ride to the park. And by the way, connection with other parents can be beneficial for the parents, as well as serving as a model for kids to value their friendships.
Many parents sink small fortunes into their kids’ athletic careers. It was reported that Alysa’s dad spent between half a million and a million dollars on her skating. It’s understandable that parents want to have a say over how this money is spent. However, with the knowledge we have around autonomy, it’s advisable for parents to start having conversations with their child about their competition and training regimen as early as twelve to fourteen-years-old. This doesn’t mean the kid is running the whole show at this age. It means parents are valuing their kid’s autonomy. As the kids grow older and reach new levels of maturity, they can continue to gain more and more responsibility for their athletic careers. At sixteen years old, the parent can take more of an advisor role with the child in the front seat. This sets up the child to be a confident and self-possessed young adult.
One last note about competence. Competition results are just one way to measure mastery. Trophies and medals are a lot of fun. And shiny! But mastery and efficacy can be measured by process-oriented goals as well. More on that in the future.
Alysa made it clear that one of her goals was joy. Her music was upbeat, her costumes whimsical, and she spent her practice time taking photos of her fellow competitors. She soaked up every moment, and as a spectator, the joy was contagious. Mission accomplished.
Looking forward to following Alysa’s journey both on and off the ice as she continues her education at UCLA studying psychology.
References
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “What” and “Why” of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327965PLI1104_01
