The Car Ride Home
I am privileged to have competed in several kinds of youth sport environments: low-level local tournaments, selective national tournaments, and college showcases. In addition to the financial resources it takes to be able to do all of this, my parents also spent countless hours driving me and my two older brothers to and from tournaments. For busy working parents, these travel hours can be seen as precious one-on-one time with their kids. However, emotions can run high around competition for both the youth athletes and their parents. One well-intentioned comment can turn the car ride home from a pleasant or neutral experience to one that brews anxiety and excess pressure. Of course almost no parent wants to add anxiety and excess pressure to their child, but research shows that parents and children often have different interpretations of certain parenting behaviors (Korelitz & Garber, 2016). Further research indicates that the car ride home is often why kids quit sports. Here are three things the sport parent can do to ensure they are offering the best to their child:
Recognize that parents of youth athletes face many stressors including, but not limited to, time and travel demands, work stress, finances, as well as assisting in the management of their child’s academic pressures and competition nerves (Tamminen et al, 2024). Make it a priority to develop effective coping skills to manage these stressors, which may include seeking out a support system of other sport parents, breathwork, listening to music, and reframing self-talk.
Sport parents can speak with their child about what the child’s expectations and wishes are for the car ride home. This conversation needs to be discussed outside of a competition context. Every child is different, and has their own unique needs and desires. Some kids will want to talk about their performance immediately. Others may need time to decompress and process before diving into what went well and what didn’t, especially after a loss. Some youth athletes may not want to speak about their performance at all and just want to hear from their parents that they love them, leaving their performance feedback to their coaches. You won’t know until you ask! Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory (2000) underscores autonomy as one of the innate psychological needs linked to motivation, performance, and well-being.
Think about how you are rewarding the development you want to see. Do you only shower your child with praise and take them out for celebratory ice cream when they win? What kind of message does that send? Alternative messages to send could be how much fun you have watching your kid play, or praising their teamwork and determination, no matter the score.
A recent study from Project Play revealed that roughly two in 10 youth sports parents believe their child has the ability to eventually play Division I college sports, and one in 10 think their child could reach the pros or Olympics.
The odds of high school tennis players going on to play Division I is 1.5%. For women’s soccer, it’s 2.7%, and for men’s basketball it’s 1.0%.
NCAA statistics show that only a minuscule percentage of high school athletes will play professional sports.
1 in 610 (0.16%) will get drafted by a Major League Baseball team
1 in 10,399 (0.0096%) will get picked by an NBA team
1 in 12,873 (0.0077%) will be chosen by a WNBA team
1 in 3,960 (0.025%) will get picked by an NFL team
Knowing how slim these odds are, parents can focus on their child’s youth sport experience as just that- their youth sport experience- and the skills they are taking with them from sport into their life.
For more information on conversations about expectations for the car ride home, developing coping skills, and much more, please reach out to me directly to set up a session! Training mental skills extends far beyond sport; it’s a lifelong investment.
References
Korelitz KE, Garber J. Congruence of Parents' and Children's Perceptions of Parenting: A Meta-Analysis. J Youth Adolesc. 2016 Oct;45(10):1973-95. doi: 10.1007/s10964-016-0524-0. Epub 2016 Jul 5. PMID: 27380467; PMCID: PMC5222679.
Burgess, N. S., Knight, C. J., & Mellalieu, S. D. (2016). Parental stress and coping in elite youth gymnastics: an interpretative phenomenological analysis. Qualitative Research in Sport, Exercise and Health, 8(3), 237–256.
Tamminen, Katherine & Poucher, Zoe & Povilaitis, Victoria. (2017). The Car Ride Home: An Interpretive Examination of Parent-Athlete Sport Conversations. Sport, Exercise, and Performance Psychology. 6. 10.1037/spy0000093.
Zhang N, Du G, Tao T. Empowering young athletes: the influence of autonomy-supportive coaching on resilience, optimism, and development. Front Psychol. 2025 Jan 8;15:1433171. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1433171. PMID: 39845556; PMCID: PMC11750835.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “What” and “Why” of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327965PLI1104_01
Solomon, Jon. “Project Play Survey: 11% of Sports Parents Believe Their Child Can Go Pro.” Project Play, Project Play, 11 June 2025, projectplay.org/news/project-play-survey-11-of-sports-parents-believe-their-child-can-go-pro#:~:text=Roughly%20two%20in%2010%20youth,reach%20the%20pros%20or%20Olympics.
